literature

Numb

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TheMagnificentMorado's avatar
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Literature Text

I'm numb.
I'm numb to hearing increasing body numbers.
I'm numb.
I'm numb to hearing excuses after excuses.
I'm numb.
I'm numb to having real solutions be shot down.
I'm numb.
I'm numb to feeling I might be shot down.
I'm numb.
I'm numb to expecting the worst every day.
I'm numb.
I'm numb to no building being safe.
I'm numb.
I'm numb to "never again" meaning nothing.
I'm numb.
I'm numb to people valuing possessions over lives.
I'm numb.
I'm numb.
I'm numb.

...

Then why am I crying...?
"No, the other school shooting."-a friend of mine a month ago before freezing and realizing what he had just said.

Students my age have grown somewhat numb to all of this. The first time I became aware of school shootings was Sandy Hook. I was 13. From that moment on, I heard of more. And more. And more. Lockdown drills became more and more frequent. My classmates and I originally spoke every time a new shooting occurred, but eventually they became too frequent for us to keep up.

This year, finally feeling once again when the Marches For Our Lives occurred, I decided to do my own research on gun violence and motives. I shared my research with more politically conservative individuals, and they decided that I was either lying, confused, or purposefully using biased sources despite being able to prove--right then and there--and I didn't.

And then today. A student--barely younger than me--admitted that while she was scared, she wasn't surprised at all to learn that she was in the middle of a school shooting. She had expected this to happen some day, and that day had finally come.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of not being surprised. I'm sick of hearing my generation--the generation being MURDERED OVER AND OVER--be referred to as "snowflakes" or "over-emotional" about this issue. I'm sick of people acting like we shouldn't take part in an issue that is literally life or death. I'm sick of politicians bullying survivors when they're called out on their BS. 

I'm sick of being scared that I'm going to die tomorrow and not even be able to tell my parents I love them one last time.

I'm sorry that this had to be a thing when I've said in the past that dA is my escape, my place to avoid more controversial issues...but I'm too upset and angry right now. Writing isn't just an escape for me, it's a release. If I don't write and just let these emotions boil up silently, I'll explode.
© 2018 - 2024 TheMagnificentMorado
Comments8
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tulf42's avatar
This pretty much says how some of us feel after hearing sad news of any kind, it can take a really long time after hearing it that the first tear is shed :(